2- Thoughts – Sight

I have been told since as long as I remember that my eye sight can leave me any day.

With glaucoma , Iridocorneal Endothelial (ICE) Syndrome, and a couple other little oddities, my eyes have always been a thing of fascination to those in the optometry world. I will never forget being called a textbook case. I was so young then.

‘Irido’ means it has something to do with the iris. That’s pretty much the extent of my knowledge. It’s shocking how little the specialists I’ve seen feel the need to tell me anything, maybe they themselves are still trying to understand. That’s probably why some brilliant minds make horrendous teachers. They just don’t care to share, unless it’s a paper or such academic writing. It took five optometry visits for anyone to even definitively tell me whether I had glaucoma or not. And that finally came from my main doctor, who had to decipher it from a bunch of reports and notes that were sent back, and then personally confirm with them.

I understand that I have nerve damage, more extensively in my right eye. And the world looks blurry a lot, far things always do. I also suffer from ocular migraines.

When I finally got to the age when I started comprehending blindness, and its possible impacts on my life. Little Angie went around closing her eyes for extended periods of time to try and get a feel of what it could possibly be like. Maybe that’s how I developed a more acute sense of hearing. I promised myself that going blind would not mean the end of my world. I can be so dramatic sometimes.
I have accepted the possibility though. And maybe that’s why sometimes I feel so annoyed and underwhelmed with what I feel the doctors are doing in regards to my eyes. But then I get over it. That lasts until they put the yellow drops in for pressure checks, and my eyes are not happy until they get a really good rinse.

As this point, I am told there is no cure. The best I can do is put these special and expensive prescribed eye drops in daily and hope they work. Monitoring and controlling my eye pressure to prevent more damage is the ‘remedy’ we’re on now. I will be seeing a surgeon specialist guy in March, I can’t wait to hear what he has to say.

It is insulting to me when they ask, pretty much every time, to take pictures for their own research purposes or whatever(since they never really tell me that either), and I oblige. Yet, when I ask for a copy of those photos, I am just about always turned down. I am curious about other people’s experience with this. Baffled.
 
This is the picture I received the only time the guy was nice enough to send me a copy. It’s the clearest closeup of my eyeball I have.

image

A nurse told me that it looks like a tree. I don’t know why, that made me smile.
I wouldn’t be surprised if I never went blind. I also wouldn’t be surprised if I did and ended up with a bionic eyeball, maybe even two.

Thank you for reading!
– a.sea

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