18- Living – Dear Me

I have just started volunteering with the YMCA, and as a reflection exercise, we were prompted to write our future self a letter. Something that recorded our fears and excitement, and really anything else my present self wanted to say to my future self regarding my volunteering experience. The more I thought about it, the more I liked that idea. I know it’s been done before but it was my first time. So I’ll just leave this time capsule of words here for future me on  everything else in my life.

To be re-read on January 1st 2016.
_________________________________

Dear Angie,

One year ago, you weren’t at a very good place. 2014 might’ve been the hardest year of you life, emotionally and physically. When 2015 came, your biggest goal was to heal, in every way. It’s taking a lot of self control right now to not start crying, and that’s a feeling you’ve gotten way too used to. You’ve experienced loss like never before, and you’ve failed at things like never before. I am happy to say that you never fully lost you in midst all the chaos and downfalls, you came close though.

You never expected life to be easy, and that’s probably why you are always so okay with things not being okay. If you’re reading this, it means you held on to at least one thing that keeps you orientated in life. Writing is you biggest stabilizer, after all. Without words, I imagine you’d be in zero-g all the time, and we couldn’t survive that. Earth has always been our comfort zone. I expect this post to have ten-twenty views, a great beginner stat. I think by now you’d have a lot more traffic. You work and you persevere.

It’s hard, I’m trying not to edit this too much. I’m conflicted between being supportive because you’re not quite there yet, or celebrating because you’ve done it. You’ve succeeded in whatever it was you decided to really put your all into, maybe you haven’t, but now that I think about it, I don’t believe that. You’re always been in constant movement, so it’s impossible for you not to have gone somewhere.

Between school, life, relationships, exercise, and dreams, you must’ve done something right, if not all of it. I believe in you. And always will, regardless and unconditionally.

I have been blessed to have found my significant other, and the family he brought with him is the best that I could possibly ask you. I have also been beyond blessed to have met and be taken in as one of their own, the Vremans are the epitome of great people, and I must have done a lot of good to have them call me family as well. And of course there’s my long time black best friend. I beat myself up all the time for losing touch some with my extended biological family, but I hope you’ve made amends for that. And Mom is learning.

I’m proud of you. The drugs don’t work. Keep laughing. Don’t falter when they criticize. And always reflect the good.

I hope you are better, that’s all I can ask.

Love,
Angie
_________________________________

Thank you for reading!
– a.seaa

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