66- Before I Fall Asleep – Pursuit of Happiness

I’m finally learning that I can’t be responsible for everyone else’s feelings. I can only be my best, and hope that’s good enough.

I’ve spent as long as I can remember to please certain people and avoid their disappointment at all cost. I had become a puppet, and hadn’t even realized it. I never knew any different.

I get why wars are fought over freedom, because I’m now facing my own.

This is one of the most emotionally (and in turn physically) exhausting periods of my life. It might be one of the hardest things I do. But if I have to be wrong right now I can accept that, because I’m doing this for the right reasons.

Anyone can call me selfish, but I deserve this. For once I deserve to know what living for me is like. I never expected any of this to be easy. But I think my happiness is a good enough reason for me to put up a fight. To finally stand up for myself. To know that it’s okay to think about me first.

That’s what a big part of growing up is to me. To find your own way of life. Balancing out what works for you then fitting that into the rest of the world.

This is my solution. It’s what no amount of medication or therapy can make the change for.

I think everyone deserves a chance to choose life. To be given the option to be themselves. That might be a luxury that a lot of people still don’t have. But I hope they never truly think they’re not worth it.

Not to live knowing happiness is to die. And everything’s a choice. There are always options. Even when you feel so defeated, broken, and stuck, you struggle to see any spark of hope. You deserve better. And as long as you believe that, nobody can take that from you.

You’re going to go through hell, but you’ve already been through hell. Now it’s your turn. And my turn, to pursue happiness.

Thank you for reading!
– a.seaa

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2 thoughts on “66- Before I Fall Asleep – Pursuit of Happiness

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